POSITIVE INNER TALK.....

is the hardest thing for me to do.  After years and years of being my biggest critic I have been encourage to practice positive inner talk.  A few of my mantras are:  Today is going to be a great day, good things are going to happen today, I am enough, and I am worth it .  These are just a few of the things I have been telling myself each day.  As you can imagine the opposite of each of these are what usually goes through my head.  In a nut shell, without really realizing it I have been bringing myself down. 

Some other things that have been bring me down....every Wednesday we go to dinner with my father and his girlfriend.  This past Wednesday, I send the usual text asking them what time we are meeting.  and the response is, "we aren't really interested in going to dinner we are just going to go and get a few beers." Meaning, "we aren't really interested in seeing you guys tonight, we're just going to drink and you aren't invited."  Then I had to change our dinner plans because they were still going to the pizza place we were going to.  And if they were still going, and we weren't welcome, we had to go somewhere else. On one hand I can understand that maybe they aren't in the mood to hang out with us and the kids but I can't help but be hurt by this.  I started this getting together once a week so the my dad could spend some time with the kids.  I'm not forcing them to spend time with us.  They/he should want to.

So with this all still going on in my head I say to myself:

Today, I am enough,
Today, I am worth it,
Today is going to be a great day and good things are going to happen!

It's like having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

On the Brink and peeking over the edge

I am on the brink of understanding why I am the way that I am...hmm, what exactly does that mean?  After many written and digital tests I have been diagnosed with Adult ADHD.  At 33 years old my doctor tells me that I have a disorder that I expect only children to suffer from.  The irony is that looking back I DID suffer from ADHD as a kid but no one realized it.

This explains SO FREAKING MUCH!  Now that my eyes are open to this I am so hopeful that I can finally move forward and make the changes in my life that I have always hopped for!

Stay tuned....hopefully I can stay focused enough to keep writing, oh look, a chicken....wait, what was I saying?  LOL